Sunday, July 14, 2019

The Scumlord is dead, long live the Scumlord!


Totally out of my own free will and not at all because I'm being tortured and hanging over the bottomless pits, the time has come to hand over the leash.

The Scumlord is dead, long live the Scumlord... Kraggori the Infiltrator, who snuffed out Ghettoforce the Terrible, who overthrew FlyingJoe the Disagreeable, who usurped Vertex the Inconvenient, who backstabbed Gob Bushsniper the Despicable. Long live the current guy...

All hail the Scumlord!

(!pleh dneS)

Saturday, June 01, 2019

Blatherings from the Bilge

As early morning light filters down through ancient, gnarled trees, it falls upon the detritus strewn confines of a small goblin village.  Dozens of small green skinned folk move about, slowly combing through rubbish and debris they have lugged from far settlements, through the winding pathways amongst the trees to their homes.  Emptying worn and mostly ruined wheelbarrows, they leave the remains to be scavenged and filtered into various stewpots, fry grills and heated pans clattering upon tiny smoky fires.

Amongst the moldy tents, ramshackle huts and hovels stands out a single larger structure.  Constructed of the bones of a fallen and gnawed upon hydra, decorated in bits of polished metal bits and bobs, glistening in discarded buttons and doorknobs, rests the tent of the village shaman.  From within the confines of the bony ediface arises a holy cacophony of blessed tones of gobbochildren torturing bone flutes to the tune of "Jesus Christ, Superstar" while the chanting of His Gross Immenseness of the Divine Lugubriousness, Shaman FukItAll, hits new heights within clouds of his pungent incense.

Mighty chants of incoherent and unrelated phrases and sayings echo throughout the village as FukItAll works determinedly to perform his holy duties.  Dancing drunkenly about a rough hewn altar and making mad passes of his arthritic hands over a still form, his words hit pitches previously only heard in the scratching of nails against blackboard until with a loud thump of his cane, the ancient goblin stops dead still.

All noise stops.
All movement stops.

Except for a single drop of spittle slowly making its way from FukItAll's lip to the ground.

The quiet seems to echo from the hut, through the village, into the woods and to the very walls of the cities of man.

And then ... the spittle hits the ground and FukItAll whips his cane up to smack the green pate of the patient upon his altar.  Twice more FukItAll strikes the patient prone upon his altar until he stirs and rises to look at FukItAll questioningly.

Swinging his feet off of the alter, the patient slowly and exhaustedly rises to don his garb while looking to FukItAll quietly.  Biting his lip to keep from saying anything, the patient waits, knowing that to say anything might break the concentration of FukItAll and thereby bring the malevolent attentions of the Great God Golf upon his village.

FukItAll smirks at this sad, lonely patient that he has been chanting over for years now.  Carefully the shaman stands as tall and as straight as he can until two loud pops can be heard as vertebra settle into new places.

Watching the nervousness of his patient, FukItAll draws a deep breath and begins his summation.

"Alyxyn, you have been very diligent in the attentions to the potions and tinctures that the Great God Golf has dictated that you must imbibe.  You have suffered great exhaustions and found your ways through massive turmoil and depths of fears and depressions.  For all of that, I have cast my latest round of divinations over you.  I have sought through your wretched form for the signs of the demons that have beset and infested you, whose grotesquenesses have tortured and wracked your body."

"Alyxyn, oh He of the MegaMouth, Torturer of the GBoss, Tiny Terror, the Miniscule Menace, Chewer of Boots, Sharer of Loots, the Great Gobbo Gobsmacker.  I can, at this time, proclaim that I can no longer detect a presence of any of the foul beasts within you.

"Keep in mind that this does not mean that they do not linger, but I can no longer detect them.  This is mighty news indeed.  You do still need to attend to your potions and tinctures regularly and submit for continued divinations, however I can state that Death no longer is whispering in your ear daily"


Yes if you managed to make it through that and understood it right.. On Friday I received news from my oncologist that my Stage 4 Bladder Cancer is now in Complete Remission by Immunotherapy.  All of the detected nodes of cancer within my body, from lymph nodes to liver, are no longer able to be detected by CT scan. 

That said, the cancer is NOT considered cured and I will need to receive immunotherapy treatments every three weeks for the rest of my life, but.. as the story says ... Death appears to no longer be whispering in my ear daily.

I was able to break this news to my family Saturday during my parents' 60th anniversary party and a celebration of life grew to include a wave of tears through parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews.

It was an overwhelming outpouring of emotion far beyond anything I had expected and a delight to help sooth the torment of the last three years of knowing that Death had me targetted each day.

Friday, December 14, 2018

Blatherings from the Bilge

So where the Heck has Alyxyn been?

As the seasons turned into the dark, cold, snowy times of the years of Our Torment Two Thousand and Eighteen, so did Guildmembers notice strange occurrances.  The guildhall grew quiet and calm. The GuildMaster's throne suddenly ceased erupting in traps, in odors, in flames.  Boots stopped disappearring, stopped being found gnawed upon, stopped being drooled over.  Fewer tongues were being nailed to the base boards of the guild hall.  Guild events occurred with just a bit less vim and vigor.  Fewer war howls bellowed forth in the eternal struggle for still higher greatness.

During the Autumnal Feasting, Turducken noticed that it had occurred without the annual taunts from his miniscule tormentor, that tiny Green Menace, Alyxyn.  Where was that small tormentor of scum and prey alike?  Where had he been?  Consultations occurred in the Guild BeerHall and scattered reports were made of sightings of the Miniscule Monster, but all pretty much reported him only for smaller intervals than what was expected of the two foot goblin.  As the discussions deepened and investigation lengthened, it even became noticeable that the spokesman for the Goblin Liberation Force seemed to be stalling in his strength, that his chief adversary in the Hall of Fame, that reviled Kerry, was rising in ranks and levels while Alyxyn stalled more and more obviously.

What was happening to the miniaturized MegaMouth?

Finally, as has happened in the past, a massive robed figured appeared at the guild hall and with a deeply resonating blow of a wooden staff upon the entranceway, made entrance.  The figure made its way into the hall, disrupting feasting and devoutedly determined quaffing of everything that can possibly be considered alcoholic.  The figure obviously had some sort of aggrandizing occult accompanyment as lights seem to beam upon it from all directions when any good scum was aware that no such lights were permitted in the guildhall.  That is if the accompanying soundtrack of "Jesus Christ Superstar" that seemed to echo out of the very air wasn't sufficient.  With each step the lights grew brighter and the tunes louder until the figure stood before the GuildMaster's Throne and turned to face the collected drunken horde.

With a crescendo of a drumroll and a sparkle of a neon disco ball, the figure drove his wooden stave into the ground once more to ensure each scum would have a tremendous hangover in the morning, the figure then bellowed forth:

"Hark and Herald! I bring word from the Halls of the Eternally Tormented.  The Tiny Terror, the Miniscule Menace, Chewer of Boots, Sharer of Loots, the Great Gobbo Gobsmacker known as Alyxyn has again returned unto our Tender and Infinite Mercies.  Whence last he had been seen, the greatest healers of our area had spent days and weeks working on your foul member, fighting to the greatest extent of our abilities *cough* and the extent of his purse *cough* against a demonic entity working to consume his twisted body.  Let us assure you, that struggle consumes a part of each and every day of his life as well as many moments of our Diviners and Healers and Spiritual Seekers."

"However, recently in our Acolytes' efforts to prepare for the coming Seasonal Festivities, in their desperate attempts to seek better adorned lodgings, faster transportation (for the caring of Your Spirits of course) and in their ministrations to the Great God Golf, apparently the Eternal Struggle moved to additional battlefields.  Yet another foul being has come to reside within and attempts to consume the somewhat Greener Grossness"

"Many times has Alyxyn returned to our Hallowed Halls and the Acolytes saw him briefly, but in their efforts, they failed to cast appropriate Identification charms upon him, so that they thought him someone other than your twisted brethren.  With each such visit, Alyxyn was sent upon his way with but a brief cantrip cast upon him, only to see him returning within a fortnight, as his greenest grew a more ... ill and unnatural color... even for a goblin."

"Eventually he turned to a new priest, one not yet exposed to the tiny terror, and was greeted with that eternal question that all Acolytes ask as they loom over supplicants, 'Whyfore art thou disturbing my CandyCrush?'  At that moment, your twisted vile little vermin did turn upon the acolyte and unleash a mighty howl and he didst invoketh several of the Gods of his own People upon the acolyte.  Great Discussions occurred between the Acolytes and Brethren of my Temple with Representatives of Goblin Belief and Acolyte knees bent and Brethren heads bowed.  Upon arising, their eyes were cleared and Alyxyn's latest infestation could then be more clearly witnessed as it had not in weeks."

"At the current time Alyxyn is stable but is under strict orders as to his care.  He is over the worst, we hope, but challenges remain.  Never fear but that Our Acolytes are receiving remedial instruction to better cover their inattentions so it wont be quite so obvious and their expected hording should not be quite so apparent, especially not in such a holiday season."


Okay.. that is the more... humorous side.  On to the specifics.   In the last three weeks, my attendance has been intermittent.  My tablet is a Kindle Fire which apparently is not 'supported' for running Shakes so I have not been able to use it for such while I have been at hospitals and I have spent a lot of time at hospitals locally. 

My fight against stage 4 bladder cancer is continuing and I am coming up on a 'birthday' of sorts, nearly two years being pass the expected end of my life.  Unfortunately, with a body wracked by cancer and the drugs used to fight it, there are often complications and these have been hammering at me pretty hard.  I have been suffering spiking fevers, unexplainable sharp debilitating pains and blood coming from places you do not want to see blood coming from.  In the last three weeks, I have had 5 visits to Emergency Rooms, 3 of which led to multiple day admittances.  I spent the American holiday of Thanksgiving in a hospital room with my sister driving my parents up to see me in the hospital.  Let me assure you, there is nothing that quite hits home as hard as your mother crying over your condition in a hospital on a holiday intended for giving thanks (ignoring for a moment about other less kind origins of the holiday).

FINALLY when it occurred to the Emergency Room doctors and nursing staff that they were recognizing me.. and that I had been in 3 times in two days.  They figured they may want to actually listen to my full tale of woe and then things started to change... a little bit.  When they finally deigned to contact my own doctors that have been working with me for years now, they came back a bit humbled and almost apologized.  Once a PROUD internal medicine doctor practically was handed his medical degree by a Physician's Assistant to my Urologist, well.. they took me a bit more seriously.

What has happened is this, as best as I understand currently.  I have a staph infection.  Normally this isn't too hideous but is never really pleasant.  However, with everything that has been done to me, I 'had' to be different.  I contracted it in my urinary tract and it may be all the way into my kidneys.  Further, the particular strain that was finally able to be cultured, is one that is resistant to a lot of antibiotics. So it festered and grew.. for 20 days if not longer.  Additionally, this staph infection is known to attach itself to medical devices and artificial constructs and survive through antibiotics only to reinfect.  Due to this, it is possible that some forming kidney stones may be hosting the little monster and need to be addressed as I get stronger.  Unfortunately the stones are tiny little things and are in the wrong locations in the kidneys to be easily handled and pulverization would only set the staph loose perhaps in a more broad sense.

So there we are or rather that is where I have been.  Squirming and writhing between Staph and Doctors with occassional game play thrown in.  Sadly I have to continue in that manner for a while yet before we will know what endgames may exist in my real life.


Sunday, November 05, 2017

ScumFlash: HoF of HoF's November 2017

I think someone forgot to turn on Summer... Winter is comming...  Bringing a new edition of the  HoF of HoF's.

It has been a while, so it is probably a good idea to explain one more time how to join this very time consuming HoF of HoF's. So I'll tell you one more time. But only because the rules are so very very easy.

How te become part of the HoF of HoF's:
1. Be in top 30 of HoF Heroes, HoF Fortress or HoF Pets, or
2. Be a member of the Severed Tongue, or
3. Bribe the Scumlord (that would be me)

In case of two players having the same amount of points, the tie breaker goes to HoF Heroes (after all, that is what its all about).

See? Totally easy!

Think this HoF of HoF's is fun? Want to see them on a more regular basis while saving your poor Scumlord a LOT of time? Please go give your opinion on the forum taht the HoF of HoF's should be in the game...

Interesting nonsense:
  • Only 96 players managed to fulfill any of these 3 very easy rules, leading to a HoF of HoF's with only a top 92. (no bribers this time, such a shame... I could use some good bribes)
  • Still firmly on the first place is the Scumpet dominating this HoF of HoF's since its inception, with still a comfortable margin on the number 2 Grog69 aka Naughty frog.(don't get in his way, he'll hurt you just for the fun of it
  • Behind this scummy duo there is a lot of nothing, untill suddenly there still appears a wild (and very tired, this is hard work you know...) Scumlord on the 3rd place
  • Very very closely followed by Kerry and Alister88 on 4th and 5th place. Again, just like in August, Kerry managed to get into another tiebreak. And again kerry manages to get the upper hand. Your luck will run out sometimes ;)
  • Alister99's progress is very impressive though. After jumping 18 spots in August, getting her into the top 10,  this time she jumped another 5, right into the top 5.
  • Aronszajin and Son of Dog, managed to keep their spots on 6 and 7, while Treak and Temprella lost some places compared to Augsut and are now on 8 and 9. 
  • Lastly in the top 10 is Lord Salys, who made a nice jump of 4 places.
  • Most impressive jump in November 2017 is from Bluffy, gaining 14 spots compared to August. And ofcourse from T Beck who came out of nothing to claim spot 25 by abusing Rule 1 with his 23rd spot in HoF Pets.
  • More Rule 1 abusers: Lost Angels had a good month, with 3 new arrivals (fbc, Honeybuney and Philip Lau), 2 YKZ players found their way into the HoF of HoF's this month (T Beck and Sigan) as did one player from Disciples of Beer (Nandak). Welcome all, now try to keep your spots.
  • Other noteworthy climbers: Malcovis jumped by 11 spots, after already jumping 20 in Augsust. Nic1080 jumped 8 spots and Wraithform jumped another 5 after already jumping 15 in August
  • Actually,there have been a lot of changes in the last 3 months, too much work to name you all, so go look for yourself.
  • So there we have it...
  • 3 Scum in top 3
  • 6 Scum in top 10
  • 13 Scum in top 25
  • 50 Scum in top 96
  • Not too bad for a bunch of merry Lowlives if you ask me.

For the ones who want to do the math for themselves: Here are the screensshtos from this morning (well, my morning anyway)


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Blatherings from the Bilge

In case you were wondering why your boots were a bit less chewed on for a few days and there were no signs of filthy wet foot prints to the entrance to the Bilges.

Well.. that is because I have been in the hospital since the 17th.  When I woke up on the 17th I didn't have much energy and was bouncing between freezing my ass off and sweating terribly.  My fever was actually 96.4 which told me that something was wrong but.. had nothing to go to a doc with.. during the length of the day my wife would periodically take my temperature but other than that I mostly slept... like 18 hours.  at 6:30pm my fever raised over 100.2, which is a point my oncologist has said I need to use for admittance to the Emergency Room.  In the 10 minutes it took my wife to drive from our place to the ER.. my temp kept rising to 100.6 and I got rather.. incoherent.

Eventually, once the docs got their heads out of their asses and actually started taking tests there was a variety of findings:
1) my thyroid had conked out... whether temp or permanent they didn't know
2) my blood sugars were over around 350
3) I had some sort of infection

Over the next several days I was on my tablet from the hospital but.. I have a hard time doing much by my tablet so you likely didn't see me much.

As I did, the docs got me on Thyroid replacement hormones and then started acting like I am a diabetic and that I had been a diabetic for a long time.. but of course they completely failed to listen that until last month none of my doctors have mentioned anything about my blood sugars being anything suspicious.  Apparently according to them, there is no such thing as a brand spanking new diabetic .. only those people that are diabetic. *angry sigh*  They also started me on a hugely broad spectrum antibiotic to address the infection while they spent 3 days trying to culture things to see what infection I actually had.

Cultures failed to show that I had anything.. but that likely doesn't surprise any of you as I don't have much culture on the best of days right?  However the antibiotics brought down my fever and my infection started to go away even without being identified.  lucky guesswork that they were oh so proud of.

Meanwhile I had to start getting used to being viewed as a diabetic, being disbelieved that I had never been a diabetic before, doing my blood testing and taking insulin according to a doctor's note that would change the type of insulin, the intensity and timing sometimes twice a day without letting anyone know.. including the nurses until they went to check notes before giving me my meds and even they were shocked.

In any case... I returned home this afternoon *Pacific Time* and am home.  Fever is gone, medicines hopefully all acquired after some serious issues, mostly brain intact however I am having problems remembering some... words... they will be right on the tip of my tongue but be very elusive.  I have future followup appointments with primary care physician, oncologist and now am adding an Endocrinologist to the team that guides my life through the havoc that it has become.

Good to be back to worrying you all,