To all other gents, we beg your pardon,

but resolve is not all that must harden.

For, that lass in your life

that you may soon take to wife

has had a gnome in her secret garden!

- sbbenhcs, the green *cough* thumb *cough* troubadour

FreshScumFlash: TDI

So we lost another scum this week. I’ve been Scumlord for quite some time now, so I heard many of the excuses for planned inactivity already (being unable to play because of a helicopter crash comes to mind). But this has got to be the FIRST TIME EVER that we lose scum to gardening…

But apparently Gruel and Ahkdar got themselves a new place with some land that needs to be taken care off (how in the hell does Ahkdar manage to get out of that one eh?). 

Anyway, some last words from Gruel for the ones that weren’t there when she said goodbye in guildchat:

Hello Scum,
Thanks for letting me join in the fun :) Best of luck to you and all of the guildies.
Gruel

Luckily for us we already had someone waiting to take the open spot.  That is why I can introduce TDI, a level 204 dragonriding warrior, well on the way to join the 95% club soon. Yes I finally managed to invite a non mage again, yay me!

And… ehm… well apart from this not much is known about TDI. His origin or current whereabouts are unknown. Some whisper he is from eastern Europe, others that he is from the dark side of the moon. Even his name is shrouded in mystery.  Either he is the mastermind behind the Turducken Defense Initiative. Or he is a Volkswagen enthusiast and his name stands for Turbocharged Direct Injection. Or he might even just enjoy watching cartoons and named himself after Total Drama Island.

I guess, unless he tells us we will never know. All I know is he has the same silly look on his face as Narc (long lost relative perhaps?) and Narc seems to do just fine here... So to put it in his own words:

HHHi,
Mighty orc here, have you truly not some place to living for spacious orc?
TDI.

Well, I guess we do. Make him feel at home ;-)

The guildhall is gloomy and quiet as the Green Menace shimmies down from the rafters. Only soft squishes can be heard, quickly squelched in the moist air, as he moves from shadow to shadow looking furtively about. Even in the dark you can see that the goblin is slightly different than normal before it occurs to you.. he has darkened his skin, rubbing soot and grime onto his skin and clothes to better blend with the murk.

Cautiously he peers around, gazing at the doorway, behind the bar, over the coatrack, into the weapon racks as he slowly makes his way to the bulletin board. Holding his breath, he carefully uses an oiled arrow to pin a sheet of paper to the board before ducking behind GBrain's throne.

Peering around the massive chair of the AllPunishing, Alyxyn checks out the darkness again before making a hasty break for the door, rushing at high speed for the safety of the outer rooms. His toenails make small ruts in the floor as he digs for traction to drive himself faster in his headlong flight, only to be met at the door with the scaly demonic arm of Pizzar.

The Green Menace's eyes go wide, his feet and body leaving the floor, as his body rotates around the clothelining reach of the demon he so recently rode into numerous battles successfully. Spinning end over end Alyxyn flies through the door to slam into the wall head down like a cartoon of Wile E. Coyote, complete with small tweeting birds circling his head.

Slumping to the ground and accidentally squishing a slower moving pair of the birds, Alyxyn groggily rests for just a moment as the jumbled mass loosely referred to as his brain tries to sort itself out. It is only a matter of a moment before the massive fist of Pizzar the Mighty reaches out and plucks Alyxyn up by his pointy little ears, shaking him to and fro.

"What about my EARS you danged little gremlin? What did you do to my EARS?" Pizzar bellows into Alyxyn's face, spattering his cheeks with spittle.

Blushing slightly for a moment, Alyxyn bats his eyes as additional birds seem determined to hover about his head. Stammeringly, he responds apologetically "Ah needed ta be abull tah foller direkshuns so.. ah needed ta mark yer ears fer reference."

Shaken again, Alyxyn's ears stretch and bounce back as Pizzar shakes him "You tattooed me you blasted little RAT!"

"Wahl.. Wahl ya see.. seems ya'll're allergic tah magic markah un ah wanted ya to be comfy" comes the hesitant response with an cheerful upbeat tone despite the violent shaking causing the voice to pitch wildly.

Pizzar then switches his grip on the tiny Goblin, looking to grab his collar, only to lose his grip at the sliminess of the muck and slime that Alyxyn has used to darken himself.

With a loud Plop, Alyxyn hits the ground running and dodges the wild swinging of his demonic pursuer. As he makes his escape into the night, his little voice calls out "Fine, ah sees the gratitude I git fer heppin ya out. phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht"

With the departure of the shrill mouth of the goblin, you are left to read the words that he has left behind him as they are affixed to the wall.

"Sorry for the lateness of the posting but keeping away from my Mount has meant that it was harder than normal to write this down. This past week has been a nice trip but ah has to say ahl be glad to only need to be mah sneakah seff agin.

"Fer da guild, we kuntinue ta haf issues wit checkin but those're beginnin tah be addressed bah de bossman (all hail He that Punishes!). As a result, we dun walloped da latest dunjun and haf bin taking da toll uf da numbah three. Ah votes we sneak ovah un put summah Dolgan's speshul broo in da Disciples o Beer's kegs at least a few houahs before we hit dem. Dat'll make dem a nice toastah targit dat won't much care iffen we beats dem.. dey'll be hafin too much fun tah care.

"At de end o de week, we dun wished da Oatmeal a farewell as Gruel has decided dat gardening (dat iz plantin bodies ahm sure) haz tah take precedence fer now. Happilah we alreadah gots a replacement on tap in de formah TDI. Now DAT is dedicashun fer ya, tah take on de initials o yer purpose as de Turducken Defense Initiative. Ya jezt gotta 'spect dat.

"In the guild's normal comings and goins, we nohmally kin do a nastah numbah on Disciples but we are only sumtahms standin up tah da forces o de Endless. Frequently itsa mattah o checkin... so be checkin in un git yer friends to az well so we kin keep de Endless down.

"As to ahr own growth, well, we be doing in. Dis week's numbahs're'ah bit skewed as we gets some changes in ahr ranks. Howevah Melange un Valind take de rumcake fer both sockin away 3 new lebels under dere belts. Dere's a buncha us dat managed 2 and only a few dat didn't manage tah grow much at all. Remembah.. iffen ya'll werk hard.. ye kin all grow up tah be lahk Quilp. Dats de way we rollz ahlraht.

"In da arenas, lotsa pipples're taking dere tahm un takin dere measure of de opposition. WoopyDoo managed to break inta de top 20 first da first tahm with GBrain un I continuin ta werk ahr way through the 40s. Parrish is closin in on da top 100. Futhah down the ranks, people ah focusin un kicking along. Mhorg raised 13, Valind 27 and Bloodshadow 41 but the top improvement for da week has to have been CrusaderBin who raised 61 ranks to hit his best of 438. Lets all here it for dese Scum! Dey put da dank in Scumminess fer us all!"

Week Ending Jan 29, 2012

Polling for Pollings sake.

Polls (obviously)	2 (10%)
Best Books 2 Movie Adaptations	3 (15%)
Favorite Beer Type	5 (25%)
Favorite Book / Genre	5 (25%)
Favorite Country to Vacation in	3 (15%)
Other (comment in last Census Report)	2 (10%)

Votes so far: 20
Poll closed

Scum likes books and beer! This just proves Scum is easily confused... anything with a B will do. It is a good thing I didn't put boobs on this poll.

Some scum just want polls about polls. They never meta poll they didn't like.

To the two scum who voted other w/o actually posting an other in the last Census report -- Congrats! That was a really scummy thing to do.

"God, I'm in love," thought Miles. "Brother Miles wants YOU for the Reformation Army" ... then got hold of his thoughts. Here, now, was the make-or-break point for his scheme, and all the persiflage, verbal misdirection, charm, chutzpah, and bullshit he could muster weren't going to be enough, not even tied up with a big blue bow.

The arrival of a misshapen infant into the rarefied world of the hereditary rulers of planet Barryar hasn't been without its excitement.  A military family, both Vorkosigan parents spent time in service, being overly excellent at their jobs and amassing more than one blood enemy.  Unfortunately, one manages to toss a soltoxin grenade through a bedroom window where the pregnant Cordelia is sleeping, causing damage to the unborn child.  Although the child's grandfather tries to kill him before birth, Miles manages to arrive kicking and screaming.

At 17, Miles fails the physical exam to enter the Barrayaran Imperial Military Service Academy. To get over this disappointment, he takes a trip to his mother's homeworld, Beta Colony; has (unintended) space adventures for a few months; and improvises a force called the Dendarii Mercenaries into existence. In the process, his lifelong protector Sergeant Bothari is killed. Miles is charged with treason, exonerated, and (through a little nepotism) accepted into the Barrayaran Imperial Military Service.

From that point on, Miles leads a double life ... as Admiral Naismith of the Dendarii Free Mercenaries and as Miles Vorkosigan, lowly military scum trying to stay out of trouble ... succeeding wildly at the former and failing madly at the latter.

Here is the chronological order of his story.

• Barrayar 
• The Warrior's Apprentice 
• Borders of Infinity 
• The Vor Game 
• Cetaganda 
• Brothers in Arms
• Mirror Dance 
• Memory 
• Komarr 
• A Civil Campaign 
• "Winterfair Gifts" 
• Diplomatic Immunity 
• Cryoburn 

Lois McMaster Bujold has hit literary acclaim with many Hugos and Nebulas.  In this series, Barrayar won both major awards in 1992.

Her other works include a couple of prequels of Mile's parents activies, The Chalion series and The Wide Green World Series. One extremely notable book is Falling Free, also set in the Vorkosigan universe.

So we got no soundcheck this week eh? I just received an email from Kami explaining me why. He is drunk and… ehm… wait… no that wasn’t it. Oh right,  he set the house on fire and got arrested for indecent exposure and…. Ehm… no… no… that wasn’t it either. Oh hell, I’ll just quote the mail itself, that will be a lot easier.

Basically, I have no internet at my house. Why ? No electricity. Been having a power shortage for over 24 hours. In and out, never sure. We think it's in, then 30 min later it's out. And then vice-versa. I mean wtf, man.... We've been here since 1534. There's a winter every, freaking, year. I think it's time they wake up and tell themselves : "Hey!! Electrical wires are having a hard time when it's snowing and hazing, let's bury them!!" But until then, it's on and off....

They should have fixed it by next Friday. But you might want to write a little something on Scumbase, this is the 3rd time I try and somewhere in the writing process, it fails, so... before I kill my mother's cats to ease my frustration, please write a lil' sumtin... thx!

Cheers
Kami

Consider this to be a lil'sumtin. ;-)

 

how to Tie a Handcuff Knot

So it has been a busy week - and as I traveled, I thought about how I could capture that bad guy that lurks upon my plane...
Ok I wasn't playing hero in my dreams, just mistress! But the knot I teach you this week is an important one all the same.

It is used as a restraint or a binding tool. Hunters use it to tie deer's legs and haul them from the forest. Firefighters use it to help them with getting people out of buildings (especially when getting them from higher spots) amazingly police do not tend to use it, as it tightens easily but does not loosen as nicely.

I figure it is time that we learn this knot, and then we go after them there Endless buggers, Get us something to play with in my dungeons. Unless I have volunteers in the scum?

Technology in the Scumbase Egads...

And now techology has struck the Scumbase; for Revliss the Queen of Duct Tape has found someone to manufacture computers all made out of her favorite material!!! And naturally she has been caught playing the number one game.

There will be a number of consoles set up around the hall, with protective plastic and bolted into place when the infamous mudfights and wrestling matches occur!!!

Birthday Bashes & More

Because this week there is no single scum with an epic level birthday, Ciciz has been so kind to step in and have a real birthday. Yes scum, our favourite barmaid has reached the age of consent, is well endowed, has back AND she even may legally drink in the US now (good thing she isn't anywhere near the US though). What else do we want? (NO... keep that thought to yourself... Seriously...) Congratz Ciz!

Also congratulations to the scum that reached nice round figures this week

• 220 - Zot
• 210 - Scrubby, Bloodshadow

95% Club
We have also a new member of the 95% club with Gregor Clegane. Sadly because Gregor replaced Koshka we’re still stuck at the same total amount of members.

Random Bit of Data of the Week

• 50 scum
• 25 lowlifes with a scrapbook of 95% or more
• 17 lowlifes with a scrapbook of 75% or more
• 6 lowlifes with a scrapbook of 50% or more
• 2 other

Some piples seriously need a spanking….

Danger Mouse

I was listening to Jango (an online music station) and I couldn't help but noticing this song which came by:

Of course, you have all heard of Jack White. The White Stripes had a monster hit with "Seven Nation Army" couple of years back. But this time I would like to put the other guy in the spotlight, Danger Mouse.

I already knew him from his band Broken Bells, of which I will show some more videos later on, but first a nice little song featuring Norah Jones:

Yes, it's not as polished as it could have been, and I like that. Nowadays we turn away from our roots and just don't seem to appreciate the true beauty of a natural voice or just a guitar.

Now, onto Broken Bells. They have only made one album so far, but I do hope there's more to come.

The High Road was somewhat of a winner for him, but only topping at 15 in the American charts. Then again, I normally don't really go for the bands with success. ;)

Next song is "The Ghost Inside", also not so much a great success, but a very pretty song nonetheless:

They released an EP in 2011, of which this song is taken from:

Sounds a bit Klaxonish to me. Excellent, I love Klaxons.

Last song for today is "October". Long wait to said month, but here's the video all the same:

That's it for this week. I know, no crying. Maybe there'll be another column next week!

Cheers

Nargoth

One night at the pub I received a surprise ...

a vision of heaven right before my eyes.

For as i walked in the door,

I slipped and slid across the floor ...

and did a faceplant between the barmaid's thighs!

- sbbenhcs, the REAL blades of glory

FreshScumFlash: Gregor Clegane

It is sad when we lose scum. Especially if they just stop checking in without a word.  Luckily we don’t have that happen to us often, but it is no fun when it happens. So scum, if you decide to stop playing: Say goodbye to the rest of us. At least then we know we don’t have to wait, just in case you return, before we pillage your belongings!

Anyway, no time to grief. It is time for fresh scum. Welcome to Gregor Clegane a level 255 dragonriding Mage. Yes, yes, I know. We keep losing archers and keep gaining wizards… Not like I’m planning it like that… He  seriously needs to reevaluate the use of his potions to become a lot stronger though. But at least his scrapbook is at 95% so it is not in the lack of trying (welcome to the 95% club btw). On the other hand, every scum between myself and AAylia is a point for me.

Apparently Gregor Clegane is a Jakobs worshipper. I have no idea what a Jakobs is… so I just say it in Gregor’s own words:

"Nothing matches a Jakobs for sheer power. Remember, if it took more than one shot, you weren't using a Jakobs!”

Now if I would just know what that meant… sounds borderland insane to me. I guess, in the end, that is all that matters. Welcome Gregor Clegane.

The dark shadows of the guildhall hide the movement of the massive form of Pizzar as he arrives and throws open the door of the hall. By this time, the heavy plodding footfalls of the demonic warpony known as Pizzar have become almost commonplace within the Guildhall. Seldom is heard the shrill pitch calls of the Green Menace since Pizzar seems to have adjusted to the deft guidance of Alyxyn's talons upon his ears.

Moving into the hall quickly, with only slight stumbling, Alyxyn brings his mount to stand before the throne of the All-Punishing Ghettoforce. With a smile and a cackle, Alyxyn's fingers move in a complicated weave on the folds of his demon mount, guiding the Scum into a bow that is deep and reverential. Scrambling about in his saddle, Alyxyn brings to mind a rat trying to ride a hungry Glompf until Pizzar again stands straight and proud before the GuildMaster.

Guiding the large demon over to the wall by the throne, Alyxyn hands the warrior a small sheet of paper which Pizzar then pounds into the wall with a bared fist. Delivery made, Alyxyn tugs upon Pizzar's ears to circle his mount around back towards the door, only to trip him over an errant barstool that Nargipoofufu has left scattered upon the floor before he left to visit Ciciz. The guildhall rocks and trembles as Pizzar crushes the stool in his fall to the floor and Alyxyn is launched through the air, cartwheeling several times before coming to rest in a weapon stand by the door.

As he writhes from side to side and to and fro, you can make your way to the announcement. As he noisily crashes to the floor and works on prying the weapon stand from his head, you read:

"Welcome to anudder edishun oh dat grate piece o' jurnalistick integritty, da latist werk o fakts und opinion dat effer graced da walls o diz establishmint, da Bilgewater Bulletin!

"Tah staht diz edishun, I feel ah gotsta do so wit sum verrah sad news, we'z no longah numbah one.. we'z a solid numbah 2 in all ways dat mattah tah scum da werld round. Lezz hear it proclaimed loudlah "We'z Numbah two! We'z Numbah 2!.. oh.. erm.. wait.... yeah... oops.

"In the 'more bad newz' cattygory, we sadly bid adieu to a Scum. Koshka (lebel 208) snuck out in da earlah mornin hours tah tend needs in uthah realms. We duz wish him well un hope dat he scorez wot he wantzes.

"In da good newz departmint, tings been kinda poorly latlah az Dunjun 34 continewz tah cheat uz outtah house un home, one time gittin az bad az 42Million away frum effen His Roundness. Howevah ahr newbah Scum, srike, iz werkin hard tah fit in round da guildhall, tho he culd use more brew until he iz az talkitife as da GBoss.

"In the guild's ever continuing drive to increase ahr roundness (un not jezt His Roundness), we'z continewing tah grow strongah but diz week haz been a bit slack. Venkman and Scrubby lead the push with 3 lebels apiece. Howevah, thar wuz ten Scum dat dint effen manage a single lebel in de week, sum ahr known tah be trahin, but uddahs seem tah jezt be floating on de watah like.. well... like Scum. Lez git out dere un kick sum rears!

"Ahm jezt leavin alone da stampbook fer de most paht howevah ah wantz tah gif out some shout outs fer a couple continewin tah werk on it. Chief amung deze iz Scrubby with 1.71 growth in dere book! Next iz Ciciz who tuk a vakashun frum da bah apparentlah un smacked sum heads to git .67 bettah.. un peaked ovah 85%. Also peaking ovah 85% is Magnumpower wit a .36 improvemint. Another notable wood be Kossar wit .47 growth. Finallah, two further notables would be Keldonking (.35%) un Crusaderbin (.64%!) who might be able to join de 95% club if dey keep up this type of work.. for a few duzin weeks.

"Finallah, ah wonts ta leaves ya wit a cupla tings. Iffen ya knows summun dat wants ta be Scum un ya think kin hack ahr terriblah rigid roolz, let da GBrain knows. He's makin a lizt un checkin it twahce... ah knows.. cuz ahm at de bottom uf it. Az yeh mightah seen, dere's alreadah an invaht out tah fill de hole in ahr ranks. Keep 'm comin un keep Scum strong!

"Now.. tah quote a great and faboolas rooler.. 'ROLL FOR IT!'"

Week ending Jan 22, 2012

I like to check blogs of alternative fiction writers.  I have to tell you .. I'm dismayed at what a poor job of most sites is done by author's representation or worse, their fan club.  I'm also unsure why more writers don't blog, but I suspect that a lot of authors are still of the genre that doesn't really understand computers and how much they impact most people's lives.  It's an excellent opportunity to bring a new set of fans into your world(s).

I'm pretty sure I've already shared the site of Cathrynne M. Volante.  She's not prolific, but she does write her own blog well enough that I'll find myself nodding my head in agreement, or picturing what she's talking about.  And even though I could NOT get through the last book of hers .. I'll certainly try again .. because of what I read on her site when I visit.  She's got a pretty good rant going on about girls in games this week.  At least, that's what it looked like .. I haven't read it yet, but I did see mention of Zelda, among other games.

But that's not really the point of today's column.  I ran across a listing of female alternative fiction writers -- and I followed every link of an author I recognized.   I was taken aback when I saw that Anne McCaffrey passed away in November.  If you'd not been previously introduced, she is the author who took the cliché out of 'dragon' sagas.  She dreamed up a world called Pern and populated it with people we could really like, hate, cheer on and spill a tear or two when one we loved went to their reward.

Today, I want to tell you about the trilogy that first captured my heart, and apparently the hearts of many of her peers.  It went on to win both the Hugo and Nebula awards, a feat that a female author had not previously accomplished.

Cover art for Dragonfilight by Michael Whelan

This first trilogy sets out the story of a young woman whose home and family is ripped way from her by a power hungry petty tyrant who systematically searches out her family to eliminate them in order to keep hold of his newest conquest, her family home.  You see, her home is one of the oldest 'dragon holds' on the planet, and the ruler of the Ruatha Hold is accorded the respect of all other holds, and of course, the tithes of the farmers who look to Ruatha for protection.  Legend has it that the dragons in the hold were used at one point to protect the people of the planet from some sort of skyborne menace.  Yet, most people look at them as little better than freeloading bums; the last time the dragons flew to protect the skies was over 400 years ago, and what little is known is the stuff of teaching songs that the hold harpers teach wee children. And we all know that Grimm was a story teller, not a reporter.  Right?

Cover art for Dragonquest by Michael Whelan

The first two books follow Lessa in her struggle to free the family home from its usurper, gain the trust of a dragon, re-establish Ruatha Hold to preeminance and find a way to make people believe the teaching tales of the harper halls.

The third book follows Jaxom, a new Lord Holder, who happens to have something unique on the planet ... a white dragon.   Much smaller than the rest of the dragons, Jaxom's dragon "Ruth," will prove pivotal in Lessa's plans.

Cover art for The White  Dragon by Michael Whelan

Now, these books are not without flaws.  While Ms McCaffrey does create a strong female lead, she is drawn in by the societal mores and expectations in the male dominated world that swirled around her.  Her characters reach a sort of competency and then just let the men take over.  It's a bit frustrating, but trailblazers must sometimes trade compromises they'd prefer not to make in order to get the work published.  Some of her later stores don't suffer from this same defect.  I rather expect that some of these issues will come across differently when the story eventually makes it to the silver screen.  The screenplay is in the works.  Read about it here.

If you haven't been introduced to Ms. McCaffrey, I hope you enjoy her works as much as I.  Pern books number in double digits.  She also has books about Killishandra Ree, the Crystal Singer, that I highly recommend.

Another week, and this time the Mistress is in Texas, visiting her daughter who just graduated from Air Force boot camp! Since Texas is about as southwestern as you can get (where men are men and the cows are scared) I thought I would talk about their old western form of justice - the noose.

The rumor is that a good noose uses 13 wraps, to put 'bad luck' on the person due to die. Another rumor is that the hangman would wrap only 4 to 5 times, so that the victim would be conscious and slowly suffocates to death. I would assume that the mighty scum would be above that pettiness and AT LEAST do 6 times.

Remember - these instructions are for use in Shakes and Fidget battles, or for hanging those stuffed animals in the baby's room! Not for other uses, unless you are in my dungeons...

The noose

A new partner

To add to the fiendish pairing, what better partner in crime than our very own Ciciz, bartender extraordinaire!

After all, beer and pizza is the ultimate combination. So Revliss is happy with the wonderfully different uses of ducttape, and we all have an unlimited supply of pizza and beer!

Soundcheck!

It is here, it is live, it is grandiose, it is, The Soundcheck !

*sound of a crowd wild with applause and praise*

Yes my little leprechauns, as I mentioned on Tuesday, the Soundchecks are now Fridays, and World Class Scum is temporarily out of the air. (If you have ideas for the column, you go ahead and do it, I'm getting busy, I just don't have time to do both anymore, barely one).

But all that put aside, let's get to the heart of the subject.

This week, we have a she! That's right folks; she's the one that put this awesome Scumbase together, she's the one that writes about webcomics and gets innocent bystanders like me hooked, she's a diplomat with a good heart, she's a HoF puppeteer, my friends I present to you, our beloved geekette, Iola. (Not to be confused with our newly born g34kette; different family of nerds)

It's your turn, Iola,

You pass all criteria;

You can be a

Bun-Bun huntah,

Just don't blame me aftah.
lol, chances are only Iola will get it, but it's her song after all!

So a long time ago, longer than what you would guess with her way of speech (you can take that as you want, but I see it as a compliment... just saying), two lovebirds were saying tender words to each other. I mean, the things you see in chick flicks. They were basically repeating what they were hearing at the radio at that time, words of love and gentleness.

Except it was so not make believe, because nine months later, a little Iola was out in the world. I guess we know what influenced her big heart. Sweet words. I looked up five or six different versions of Conway Twitty and let me tell you, he doesn't move much and doesn't care for video clips.... So I chose this one because he looks like a kind of pogo hopping on its stick and at 1:15, it's like he's fighting a bubble passing through his brain or something, love it.

So our little princess grew older and was soon 14 years old. She was already getting a very good hold of making people believe whatever she wanted, but she did it for the greater good. The world was wrong, it was hurting and people were responsible for it, it was time to fix it and make people believe it was their idea. Basically, she was the master of her own make believes, so she was seeing clearly.

Now I knew that song, but never saw the singer before, and I didn't know the name either. Boy, was I surprised. And what's up at 1:30 ? I can hear clearly now, too! Love the outfit, I'd pay anyone to walk outside with that on. Especially Iola.

But she got older, she got tired of world puppetry. She couldn't do it alone. She was utterly bored. But then she heard this song and got energy boosted half way through (I'm saying that because I want you to listen at least half of it, because it changes then... and leave the gun in the drawer, you'll get through it, come on!)

Sorry about the no playback, but hey, better that than SOPA and PIPA, right?

So Iola decided to settle to controlling the Hall of Fame and making sure everything is under order, everyone is nice to each other, or otherwise tells you in a polite way, a bit like Unohana in Bleach... you gotta know what I'm talking about to get the reference though...

Congratulations Iola in having the hardest Soundcheck to comment E-VER!! They don't move, they don't dance, they just sing like their hearts are going to burst. I'm sorry, I wish it had been better, but videos were rare in those years (no, she's not older than Quilp... that's not possible... If humans were made in God's image, the planet was created in Quilp's image, can't be older than the Earth, don't be insulting!).

Stay tuned, as next week, we'll have the pleasure of going through Redwood's closets. The funniest part is, the years will start off where we leave them here (so basically, Redwood was born pretty much when Iola turned 21, hihihihi)

Hopefully we'll get some action!!

Cheers!

Canada	5 (27%)
England	1 (5%)
Germany	0 (0%)
Japan	0 (0%)
Netherlands	2 (11%)
Norway	1 (5%)
Spain	0 (0%)
United States	9 (50%)
Other	0 (0%)

Votes so far: 18
Poll closed

So, not surprisingly we are mostly from the US & Canada. Though I admit to being a little disappointed in how many of us 50 scum bother to vote in the poll, especially this one as I was hoping to get a good sense of our regional demographic. I'm pretty sure I know who voted Netherlands and Norway (Hi Ghetto, Nargipoofufu & Ciciz!), but who is our English brethren? Just curious. Also, if you have a new poll idea, feel free to leave it in the comments.

Birthday Bashes & More

This week’s only true party animals are Kossar and Valind. They reached the 200 mark, leaving only 6 scum behind in the sub 200 pool.  I wonder how long it will take before we’ll start point and laugh at scum below level 250 for being small. Congratz scum

And we have a huge group of scum that reached nice round numbers… Well… huge… only 1 actually:

• 280 - Magnumpower

95% Club

No news in the 95% club again. BUT we have some good news down below. Neithe finally reached the 75%. Gratz Niethe, you are officially scumworthy now ;-)

Random Bit of Data of the Week

• Average Ranking: 233
• Total ranks climbed this week: 227

Now let's see if we can get all the scum in the top 200 next week.

Soundcheck!

Hey all, Kami here, finally, for this week's Soundcheck.

As you may have noticed, I'm getting less and less reliable when it comes to Scumbase columns, and I would like to apologize to my readers, if any, for such a lack of professionalism.

You might be happy, however, to hear that the cause of my laziness is actually not laziness, but actual work, therefore money. In real life. Wow.

This being said, I would like to announce that Soundchecks will now be on Fridays, starting this week (so this Friday). I also decided to put World Class Scum in a cocoon until the day I know what to do with it. The decision was proposed by Ghetto and I appreciate the thought.

With no chef and WCS gone, we have place for additional writers, so people that think they have a great idea for this Scumbase, please send an in-game mail to Iola, which will review it and either make you an official columnist or smite you to death.

I'll see you all on Friday for Iola's Soundcheck. I hope it's going to be a good one!

Cheers!

Week ending January 15, 2012

As you sit in the guildhall, throwing back yet another in a seemingly endless series of steins of swill, a loud thumping is heard in the distance. Reaching for your weapons and armor, you start to rise as the noise grows closer and louder. The rhythmic stomping continues to build, louder, ever louder until the glasses on your table start to shake and tremble leading to whispers of suspicions of invading draconian forces or maybe hordes of Bunnies arising from below. Adopting ready stances, everyone turns to the entranceway hastily preparing to throw back dragons, or bunnies or attacking hordes of another guild or Bunnies revisited.. When suddenly the tromping dies off sharply.

As rattling of the glasses dies, a small whiney voice can be heard in the distance raising your curiousity immediately before a loud crack is heard, the guildhall door flies open, slams into the wall and crashes back shut. A loud cursing is audible before the door opens again, this time slower, coming to rest to reveal a massive bulk of demonic hide looming in the portal as it shrugs off arrows, bolts, magical blasts sent from across the room. Quilp is just about to roll over the looming demon before realizing that it is Pizzar in all his warriorly splendor. With his Roundness moving to the side to make way for Pizzar, the other warriors bounce off of his round back to come to a halt.

His path clearing, Pizzar takes some tentative steps into the hall, stumbling, shambling oddly. The sconces of the hall glisten off of his form showing a bewildering array of leather straps and harnesses affixed to the demon's chest and shoulders. His shambling steps continue forward towards Guildmaster GBrain's throne as you start to make sense of the apparition before you. It seems that Pizzar has strapped a saddle for a small pony onto his back upon which rides the squirming form of the Green Menace Alyxyn!. With the gentle application of ear pulling, Alyxyn drives Pizzar forward "on Pepperoni! on Sausage! on BBQ'd Chicken! We're late! We're late!"

Finally getting Pizzar maneuvered around, Alyxyn leans over and tacks the latest bulletin beside the throne before applying small spurs to Pizzar and dragging him around to the left with a new ear pull. "Back to the Front! Come on Pizzar Supreme, back to the fight!" Receiving a small kick on the back shoulderblade, Pizzar starts moving faster, loping forward back to the entrance and from there to the Tavern to continue his struggles.

In the deafening silence they leave behind, you are able to read the following article:

"Ho! welcum tah anudder weekah shtuff shpewed frum da Menace. Howevah, dis week's been kindah quiet overall. We dun dropped inta de dungeon un meashered ahseffs aginst dem un came up a bit shy da fust time. Den ah lil newbie srike joined in.. un we still dun came up a bit shy dang it.

"In ahr struggles with de Endless Hordes, we've been stoppin dere salliez un dropping de corpses inta da bay. In one fight new arrival srike actually took out 6 of de Endless hisseff. Good ting to cuz dere's been lotsa pipples missin dere turn at da walls. Ah dun hear sum mutterins witin da guild walls dat summah dem wot aint taking dere turns at de walls.. may end up kicked ovah dem soon, so be careful all!

"Howevah, da guild duz continue tah grow.. last week Zot bullied hiz way through 6 lebels, followed by Valind wit 4 un new arrival Srike effen managed 3. Ovah all we dun growed 67 lebels which aint nuttin tah sneeze at! Lessin we fergits.. congrats Roundness on bein da ferst effah 300 lebel Scum! Go Team Round! Roll On!

"We'z finally, finally, finally hit 50% on da 95% list fer stampbooks even though sum sluggards are laggin, but mostah da pipple dat ain't in da list, don't rillah care fer it much it seems so.. pshaw.. even about dat.

"In de matter o de Hall o Fame, for de most paht, de top ranks are either Scum or Endless with a few exceptions, but those exceptions are likely to be losing ground as effahbuddy squoshes dem lahk ovah ripened grapes. Further down da ranks, Scum'r werkin dere way up slowly with 3 now in the 40s (and rising). Ovah all, top changers were Valind at 51 ranks ta hit 566, Ahkdar wit 50 ta hit 403 un Zigglylabeau wit 49 ta hit 278.

"All dis said, erm, written?.. been a fun weak though its mostlah been quiet. Some pippleseses been wunnerin how the exp is calced for fightin when we be numbah one.. wahl we be numbah one. Apparently.. it be relative.. the more awesome we be in relation tah numbah 2, de less exp we gets fer displayin ahr awesomeness.

"Ovah ahl.. less keep ahr shields, chins and click in high. Onward intah de yeah! Onward scum! Hi Ho Pizzar AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

In my real world life, I am a Girl Scout facilitator. My job is to prepare adults to work with girls to guide them into being girls of courage, confidence and character that make the world a better place. One of my finer skills is tying knots.

Knots are used for everyday purposes, and even for nefarious ones too. You KNOW that Mistress AAylia finds pleasure in the art of Kinbaku upon the scum and her enemies that visit her dungeon. 

One is very simple, but often done wrong. This knot is designed to tie two ropes together, such as to extend a line or to tie a parcel. It is also used often in macramé. This is a square knot. When done WRONG, it is called a granny knot. Granny knots are unreliable and show your inexperience. A square knot, when taut, will not slip until freed. It is also easy TO free when you are ready. It is also a basic knot, the first to teach beginner knots. 

The knot is easy if you remember the phrase "left over right and under, right over left and under"

Just to make sure you do not create a granny knot and be a dweeb.. when you push on the two lines, you see two loops = square knot, you see mess = granny knot!

Duncan's replacement perhaps?

Ah ha I think I have found him! Duncan's replacement as chef. Well at least he is setting up a whole wall of well ummmmm some mysterious recipes in plastic cups and held up by the ever so useful substance called DUCT TAPE!!! Which of course made Revliss the Queen of Duct tape extremely happy.

Any one ??? Any one willing to temp fate and try these new creations???? Anyone....??????

Birthday Bashes & More

We’ve got loads and loads of birthdays to celebrate this week. It is like all of you have been saving to be in this week’s Birthday Bashes post. And why? To be mentioned in the same post as the Humongous Round Lowlife himself ofcourse. And if you have no idea who I’m talking about, then you seriously need to find shelter under something else. Because living under a rock (I’m pretty sure that is an awful Dutchism, but who cares ;-)) is bad for your health. Yes scum, Da Round One turned 300. And it looks good on him. Sure Darstard, Alucard and Twotontim got there first (congratulations btw guys) but none look as round as Quilp does at 300.

Redwood18 is a smart one. That fact might be the reason I made him an officer that one day I was making sensible decisions…. Last week he was level 274. This week he not only reached level 275, but gained 5 more levels to level 280. Making him a double feature in this Birthday Bash. That is seriously impressive. Level 275 is one of the worst xp valley’s in the entire game (short of that Quilp is now in at 300) he must have saved a million dungeons to skip the entire valley altogether… See… smart… I really hope he'll never side with AA...

Our new Dutch girlfriend Ciciz found the time in between some epic movement all the way from Norway, to reach 225. Way to go Ciz. Looking forward to see your outfit at level 250.

And last, but certainly not least. Our own Mr. Data. That small Canadian, living in Japan but currently in Canada until he can go back to Japan, lowlife reached level 200! Seriously! The day he came over with the rest of Frenzied Fury I would have never expected to ever congratulate him with that. So… congratulations Kamisama the almost great. You’re finally big enough to play with the big guys ;-)

And we have a huge group of scum that reached nice round numbers:

• 290 - FlyingJoe
• 280 - Redwood18
• 270 - Ghettoforce, Gloryinchaos, Pizzar
• 210 - Mhorg, Venkman, Rido Fatesmiter
• 190 - Srike

95% Club

With Srike (wow, 2 mentioning’s after being in the guild only 2 days… nice) Joining our happy group of scum, instantly joining the 95% club, we now have 25 lowlives with a scrapbook of 95% or higher. Yes that is right dear readers. That is half of the guild… Wait… only half? GET BACK TO WORK!!!

Random Bit of Data of the Week

• 50x scum
• 32x Various forms of Dragons
• 1x mountless ... ... ... HEY!!

Hmm, back to 49 scum again next week?

FreshScumFlash: Srike

And finally there we have it. FreshScum. It has been a while since I announced FreshScum. As a matter of fact I think r34lg33k was the last FreshScum we had. Well… apart from g33k3tt3 Jr of course. Although she is probably too cute to be scum… Anyway! Welcome to Srike. A level 190 pussyriding mage (sorry, I really searched for a scout…).

He has been filling my mailbox for months. But every time he mailed me, we were either full or he didn’t make all the criteria. But finally he made it here:

• Scrapbook at least 75%: At this very moment it is 97.12% so instant 95% club. Nice! CHECK!
• 30% mount at least: A wild blue tiger… Oh sorry, not a pussy riding mage after all. CHECK!
• Using daily thirst every day: CHECK!
• Checking in for all battles: Well, if he is not, we’ll be looking for new scum again soon. CHECK!
• Level 200 or higher: Ehm… right… not quite there yet with level 190… And then I checked his HoF position. Number 280, not too bad, and everybody around him is 20+ levels higher. I guess that is even better then actually being level 200 then… CHECK!

So… Long story short… He is no Chef… but then, we all knew it was hard to find a new one. BUT he does like talking about food with his dog. And I managed to get some footage of that. So perhaps that will help a little.

Warning: This video is very scummy. By pushing the play button you might end up with tears in your eyes, on the floor or getting a serious muscle ache….

Welcome Srike, hope you will enjoy yourself here. But dude seriously… get rid of those whiskers… Oh and don't mind the aerie howls and loud chain noises. that is just AAylia preparing a welcome committee.

The Phantom Band

Let's try to get this column rolling again. For today's music I have chosen one of my recent-aqcuired loves, The Phantom Band. Hailing from Glasgow, they have been together from 2002 onwards but their current band name was adapted in 2009 when they released their debut album "Checkmate Savage". Their second album "The Wants" came out in 2010 and that was when I discovered them.

I have a selection of songs for your listening pleasure. It might take some getting used to, but I am pretty sure you will like at least one of them.

The Howling



Halfhound



Throwing Bones



The None of One



Into The Corn



Not too much banter today, still carlagged.

Cheers
Nargoth

traditional gnomish poetry tuesday

There was once a gnome quite adventured

whose exploits have all been quite censored.

But it should be no surprise -

by the gleam in his eyes -

it's how "underpants gnomes" got invented.

- sbbenhcs, short on time (and height)

... --- ...

I sent such a clever message and still nobody came along to fill the request so I could get out of this soup pot! I had to encode it or the green one would figure it out. Luckily for me, he isn't very smart.

-.-. --- -.. .

... --- ...	5 (33%)
-. . . -..	2 (13%)
-. . .--	1 (6%)
-.-. .... . ..-.	7 (46%)

Votes so far: 15
Poll closed

It is unanimous, everybody is tired of bean curd soup.

In the dark of the guildhall, a movement is seen. The shadows weave and dance a little as a hatch is opened and candlelight from below spills out. A small form surfaces from below before the light is again snuffed by the closing of the hatch into the floor, sticky with spilled swill. In the sudden darkness the form moves furtively from column to column, making his way to the throne of his Immenseness, the AllSeeing, AllAbusive GBrain.

Slipping a wooden leg bearing a steel toed boot upon it, the tiny green abomination uses the tool to hammer loudly at the bulletin board, driving one nail, then another into its surface, pinning up the latest missive on the doings of life, the universe and everything Scummy.

His task done, he looks around carefully before collapsing into a paroxysm cough which steals his breath and leaves him sprawled upon the floor at the foot of the throne. As the coughing relents, he scrabbles on all fours back to his hatch to shimmy back away into his hole.

When the lights come back up, you find nailed to the bulletin board a crumpled up piece of holiday wrapping featuring the image of the Grinch, looking entirely too satisfied, the back of which contains the following writing in scratched out letters using what appears to be sticky cranberry sauce mixed with the blood of little Whos.

"Well well efferbuddy, looks lahk de holidah season haz now passed us by, much to the delight of turkeys efferwhar. Dat bein de case, pipple ahr slowly surfacin frum dere holiday comas, whedder induced bah turkey or by dwarven mead. Dis is good az we'z turnin agin tah da business uf bein scum.

"In one burst, Endless showed jezt how powahful dey be as dey put on a burst of high checkin attacks tah kick ahr ass outta numbah one. Howevah dat 'pears tah haf exhausted dem a bit as den dey started slippin. Whethah dey ahr slackin off because dey got wore out or cuzza sum secretive plan, we don't knows. One ting dat we do know iz dat we Scum need to be on high alert and tend ahr checkins well.

"Duncan, oneah de cooks, dun went un retired frum Scumminess so dere is a hole in ahr ranks. We dun found anudder tah fill in dat hole but dey dun left fast for undisclosed reasons. Ah knows dat da GBrain has been seen hangin 'bouts in da dives o de docks with a sap in hand, but so fahr he aint managed tah shanghi enny one tah join us. Wit diz beun da case, we are down a lebel 200+ member so ya kin see how dat'd hurt both ahr offense un de-fence, so pay 'tention! Be Diligent! Be Scummy!

"We dun went 'tacked da new dunjon un come up almost 40.5 million hp short. Summa dat was checkin, sum wuz no Cook und sum wuz jezt bad luck on sum dodging but we dun fell short. Lets git in dere dis week! Get perfect potioned! Get perfect Checkin! get Win fer de SCUM!

"In de effer present battle tah grow rounder, we'z doin... alraht. wit 49 scum, we dun grew 60 lebels. Da leader o de week wuz Redwood18 wit 5 lebels earned. Da next best advancin were ahr Japanophilic Kamisama un dat tiny green malignancy Alyxyn each wit 3 lebels earned. In the quest fer averageness, farkentje lost dis week, falling below average lebel, dat ain't nuttin big un nuttin dat GBrain will come aftah, but still figgered ah'd state it in mah noteseses. BTW.. GO QUILP! Get 300! Go Team Round!

"In the arena, the top rankings are always a milling throng that is entertaining to watch through the days but its de lower down onez dat are just az important. Gbrain apparently has come out of da starting gate with a touch of rabies un haz advanced 7 ranks tah numbah 46! Both Aaylia un Parrish are continuing to raise to new lebels at 99 and 117 respectibely while Zot cashed in fights to raise 19 lebels to 268! Keep it up efferun! kick tail, grow and carry forth the plague that is de Scum!"

... week ending January 8, 2012