Scumbase

In the dark of the guildhall, a movement is seen. The shadows weave and dance a little as a hatch is opened and candlelight from below spills out. A small form surfaces from below before the light is again snuffed by the closing of the hatch into the floor, sticky with spilled swill. In the sudden darkness the form moves furtively from column to column, making his way to the throne of his Immenseness, the AllSeeing, AllAbusive GBrain.

Slipping a wooden leg bearing a steel toed boot upon it, the tiny green abomination uses the tool to hammer loudly at the bulletin board, driving one nail, then another into its surface, pinning up the latest missive on the doings of life, the universe and everything Scummy.

His task done, he looks around carefully before collapsing into a paroxysm cough which steals his breath and leaves him sprawled upon the floor at the foot of the throne. As the coughing relents, he scrabbles on all fours back to his hatch to shimmy back away into his hole.

When the lights come back up, you find nailed to the bulletin board a crumpled up piece of holiday wrapping featuring the image of the Grinch, looking entirely too satisfied, the back of which contains the following writing in scratched out letters using what appears to be sticky cranberry sauce mixed with the blood of little Whos.

"Well well efferbuddy, looks lahk de holidah season haz now passed us by, much to the delight of turkeys efferwhar. Dat bein de case, pipple ahr slowly surfacin frum dere holiday comas, whedder induced bah turkey or by dwarven mead. Dis is good az we'z turnin agin tah da business uf bein scum.

"In one burst, Endless showed jezt how powahful dey be as dey put on a burst of high checkin attacks tah kick ahr ass outta numbah one. Howevah dat 'pears tah haf exhausted dem a bit as den dey started slippin. Whethah dey ahr slackin off because dey got wore out or cuzza sum secretive plan, we don't knows. One ting dat we do know iz dat we Scum need to be on high alert and tend ahr checkins well.

"Duncan, oneah de cooks, dun went un retired frum Scumminess so dere is a hole in ahr ranks. We dun found anudder tah fill in dat hole but dey dun left fast for undisclosed reasons. Ah knows dat da GBrain has been seen hangin 'bouts in da dives o de docks with a sap in hand, but so fahr he aint managed tah shanghi enny one tah join us. Wit diz beun da case, we are down a lebel 200+ member so ya kin see how dat'd hurt both ahr offense un de-fence, so pay 'tention! Be Diligent! Be Scummy!

"We dun went 'tacked da new dunjon un come up almost 40.5 million hp short. Summa dat was checkin, sum wuz no Cook und sum wuz jezt bad luck on sum dodging but we dun fell short. Lets git in dere dis week! Get perfect potioned! Get perfect Checkin! get Win fer de SCUM!

"In de effer present battle tah grow rounder, we'z doin... alraht. wit 49 scum, we dun grew 60 lebels. Da leader o de week wuz Redwood18 wit 5 lebels earned. Da next best advancin were ahr Japanophilic Kamisama un dat tiny green malignancy Alyxyn each wit 3 lebels earned. In the quest fer averageness, farkentje lost dis week, falling below average lebel, dat ain't nuttin big un nuttin dat GBrain will come aftah, but still figgered ah'd state it in mah noteseses. BTW.. GO QUILP! Get 300! Go Team Round!

"In the arena, the top rankings are always a milling throng that is entertaining to watch through the days but its de lower down onez dat are just az important. Gbrain apparently has come out of da starting gate with a touch of rabies un haz advanced 7 ranks tah numbah 46! Both Aaylia un Parrish are continuing to raise to new lebels at 99 and 117 respectibely while Zot cashed in fights to raise 19 lebels to 268! Keep it up efferun! kick tail, grow and carry forth the plague that is de Scum!"

... week ending January 8, 2012