Scumbase

The dark shadows of the guildhall hide the movement of the massive form of Pizzar as he arrives and throws open the door of the hall. By this time, the heavy plodding footfalls of the demonic warpony known as Pizzar have become almost commonplace within the Guildhall. Seldom is heard the shrill pitch calls of the Green Menace since Pizzar seems to have adjusted to the deft guidance of Alyxyn's talons upon his ears.

Moving into the hall quickly, with only slight stumbling, Alyxyn brings his mount to stand before the throne of the All-Punishing Ghettoforce. With a smile and a cackle, Alyxyn's fingers move in a complicated weave on the folds of his demon mount, guiding the Scum into a bow that is deep and reverential. Scrambling about in his saddle, Alyxyn brings to mind a rat trying to ride a hungry Glompf until Pizzar again stands straight and proud before the GuildMaster.

Guiding the large demon over to the wall by the throne, Alyxyn hands the warrior a small sheet of paper which Pizzar then pounds into the wall with a bared fist. Delivery made, Alyxyn tugs upon Pizzar's ears to circle his mount around back towards the door, only to trip him over an errant barstool that Nargipoofufu has left scattered upon the floor before he left to visit Ciciz. The guildhall rocks and trembles as Pizzar crushes the stool in his fall to the floor and Alyxyn is launched through the air, cartwheeling several times before coming to rest in a weapon stand by the door.

As he writhes from side to side and to and fro, you can make your way to the announcement. As he noisily crashes to the floor and works on prying the weapon stand from his head, you read:

"Welcome to anudder edishun oh dat grate piece o' jurnalistick integritty, da latist werk o fakts und opinion dat effer graced da walls o diz establishmint, da Bilgewater Bulletin!

"Tah staht diz edishun, I feel ah gotsta do so wit sum verrah sad news, we'z no longah numbah one.. we'z a solid numbah 2 in all ways dat mattah tah scum da werld round. Lezz hear it proclaimed loudlah "We'z Numbah two! We'z Numbah 2!.. oh.. erm.. wait.... yeah... oops.

"In the 'more bad newz' cattygory, we sadly bid adieu to a Scum. Koshka (lebel 208) snuck out in da earlah mornin hours tah tend needs in uthah realms. We duz wish him well un hope dat he scorez wot he wantzes.

"In da good newz departmint, tings been kinda poorly latlah az Dunjun 34 continewz tah cheat uz outtah house un home, one time gittin az bad az 42Million away frum effen His Roundness. Howevah ahr newbah Scum, srike, iz werkin hard tah fit in round da guildhall, tho he culd use more brew until he iz az talkitife as da GBoss.

"In the guild's ever continuing drive to increase ahr roundness (un not jezt His Roundness), we'z continewing tah grow strongah but diz week haz been a bit slack. Venkman and Scrubby lead the push with 3 lebels apiece. Howevah, thar wuz ten Scum dat dint effen manage a single lebel in de week, sum ahr known tah be trahin, but uddahs seem tah jezt be floating on de watah like.. well... like Scum. Lez git out dere un kick sum rears!

"Ahm jezt leavin alone da stampbook fer de most paht howevah ah wantz tah gif out some shout outs fer a couple continewin tah werk on it. Chief amung deze iz Scrubby with 1.71 growth in dere book! Next iz Ciciz who tuk a vakashun frum da bah apparentlah un smacked sum heads to git .67 bettah.. un peaked ovah 85%. Also peaking ovah 85% is Magnumpower wit a .36 improvemint. Another notable wood be Kossar wit .47 growth. Finallah, two further notables would be Keldonking (.35%) un Crusaderbin (.64%!) who might be able to join de 95% club if dey keep up this type of work.. for a few duzin weeks.

"Finallah, ah wonts ta leaves ya wit a cupla tings. Iffen ya knows summun dat wants ta be Scum un ya think kin hack ahr terriblah rigid roolz, let da GBrain knows. He's makin a lizt un checkin it twahce... ah knows.. cuz ahm at de bottom uf it. Az yeh mightah seen, dere's alreadah an invaht out tah fill de hole in ahr ranks. Keep 'm comin un keep Scum strong!

"Now.. tah quote a great and faboolas rooler.. 'ROLL FOR IT!'"

Week ending Jan 22, 2012