Scumbase

The guildhall is gloomy and quiet as the Green Menace shimmies down from the rafters. Only soft squishes can be heard, quickly squelched in the moist air, as he moves from shadow to shadow looking furtively about. Even in the dark you can see that the goblin is slightly different than normal before it occurs to you.. he has darkened his skin, rubbing soot and grime onto his skin and clothes to better blend with the murk.

Cautiously he peers around, gazing at the doorway, behind the bar, over the coatrack, into the weapon racks as he slowly makes his way to the bulletin board. Holding his breath, he carefully uses an oiled arrow to pin a sheet of paper to the board before ducking behind GBrain's throne.

Peering around the massive chair of the AllPunishing, Alyxyn checks out the darkness again before making a hasty break for the door, rushing at high speed for the safety of the outer rooms. His toenails make small ruts in the floor as he digs for traction to drive himself faster in his headlong flight, only to be met at the door with the scaly demonic arm of Pizzar.

The Green Menace's eyes go wide, his feet and body leaving the floor, as his body rotates around the clothelining reach of the demon he so recently rode into numerous battles successfully. Spinning end over end Alyxyn flies through the door to slam into the wall head down like a cartoon of Wile E. Coyote, complete with small tweeting birds circling his head.

Slumping to the ground and accidentally squishing a slower moving pair of the birds, Alyxyn groggily rests for just a moment as the jumbled mass loosely referred to as his brain tries to sort itself out. It is only a matter of a moment before the massive fist of Pizzar the Mighty reaches out and plucks Alyxyn up by his pointy little ears, shaking him to and fro.

"What about my EARS you danged little gremlin? What did you do to my EARS?" Pizzar bellows into Alyxyn's face, spattering his cheeks with spittle.

Blushing slightly for a moment, Alyxyn bats his eyes as additional birds seem determined to hover about his head. Stammeringly, he responds apologetically "Ah needed ta be abull tah foller direkshuns so.. ah needed ta mark yer ears fer reference."

Shaken again, Alyxyn's ears stretch and bounce back as Pizzar shakes him "You tattooed me you blasted little RAT!"

"Wahl.. Wahl ya see.. seems ya'll're allergic tah magic markah un ah wanted ya to be comfy" comes the hesitant response with an cheerful upbeat tone despite the violent shaking causing the voice to pitch wildly.

Pizzar then switches his grip on the tiny Goblin, looking to grab his collar, only to lose his grip at the sliminess of the muck and slime that Alyxyn has used to darken himself.

With a loud Plop, Alyxyn hits the ground running and dodges the wild swinging of his demonic pursuer. As he makes his escape into the night, his little voice calls out "Fine, ah sees the gratitude I git fer heppin ya out. phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht"

With the departure of the shrill mouth of the goblin, you are left to read the words that he has left behind him as they are affixed to the wall.

"Sorry for the lateness of the posting but keeping away from my Mount has meant that it was harder than normal to write this down. This past week has been a nice trip but ah has to say ahl be glad to only need to be mah sneakah seff agin.

"Fer da guild, we kuntinue ta haf issues wit checkin but those're beginnin tah be addressed bah de bossman (all hail He that Punishes!). As a result, we dun walloped da latest dunjun and haf bin taking da toll uf da numbah three. Ah votes we sneak ovah un put summah Dolgan's speshul broo in da Disciples o Beer's kegs at least a few houahs before we hit dem. Dat'll make dem a nice toastah targit dat won't much care iffen we beats dem.. dey'll be hafin too much fun tah care.

"At de end o de week, we dun wished da Oatmeal a farewell as Gruel has decided dat gardening (dat iz plantin bodies ahm sure) haz tah take precedence fer now. Happilah we alreadah gots a replacement on tap in de formah TDI. Now DAT is dedicashun fer ya, tah take on de initials o yer purpose as de Turducken Defense Initiative. Ya jezt gotta 'spect dat.

"In the guild's normal comings and goins, we nohmally kin do a nastah numbah on Disciples but we are only sumtahms standin up tah da forces o de Endless. Frequently itsa mattah o checkin... so be checkin in un git yer friends to az well so we kin keep de Endless down.

"As to ahr own growth, well, we be doing in. Dis week's numbahs're'ah bit skewed as we gets some changes in ahr ranks. Howevah Melange un Valind take de rumcake fer both sockin away 3 new lebels under dere belts. Dere's a buncha us dat managed 2 and only a few dat didn't manage tah grow much at all. Remembah.. iffen ya'll werk hard.. ye kin all grow up tah be lahk Quilp. Dats de way we rollz ahlraht.

"In da arenas, lotsa pipples're taking dere tahm un takin dere measure of de opposition. WoopyDoo managed to break inta de top 20 first da first tahm with GBrain un I continuin ta werk ahr way through the 40s. Parrish is closin in on da top 100. Futhah down the ranks, people ah focusin un kicking along. Mhorg raised 13, Valind 27 and Bloodshadow 41 but the top improvement for da week has to have been CrusaderBin who raised 61 ranks to hit his best of 438. Lets all here it for dese Scum! Dey put da dank in Scumminess fer us all!"

Week Ending Jan 29, 2012