Week ending January 15, 2012

As you sit in the guildhall, throwing back yet another in a seemingly endless series of steins of swill, a loud thumping is heard in the distance. Reaching for your weapons and armor, you start to rise as the noise grows closer and louder. The rhythmic stomping continues to build, louder, ever louder until the glasses on your table start to shake and tremble leading to whispers of suspicions of invading draconian forces or maybe hordes of Bunnies arising from below. Adopting ready stances, everyone turns to the entranceway hastily preparing to throw back dragons, or bunnies or attacking hordes of another guild or Bunnies revisited.. When suddenly the tromping dies off sharply.

As rattling of the glasses dies, a small whiney voice can be heard in the distance raising your curiousity immediately before a loud crack is heard, the guildhall door flies open, slams into the wall and crashes back shut. A loud cursing is audible before the door opens again, this time slower, coming to rest to reveal a massive bulk of demonic hide looming in the portal as it shrugs off arrows, bolts, magical blasts sent from across the room. Quilp is just about to roll over the looming demon before realizing that it is Pizzar in all his warriorly splendor. With his Roundness moving to the side to make way for Pizzar, the other warriors bounce off of his round back to come to a halt.

His path clearing, Pizzar takes some tentative steps into the hall, stumbling, shambling oddly. The sconces of the hall glisten off of his form showing a bewildering array of leather straps and harnesses affixed to the demon's chest and shoulders. His shambling steps continue forward towards Guildmaster GBrain's throne as you start to make sense of the apparition before you. It seems that Pizzar has strapped a saddle for a small pony onto his back upon which rides the squirming form of the Green Menace Alyxyn!. With the gentle application of ear pulling, Alyxyn drives Pizzar forward "on Pepperoni! on Sausage! on BBQ'd Chicken! We're late! We're late!"

Finally getting Pizzar maneuvered around, Alyxyn leans over and tacks the latest bulletin beside the throne before applying small spurs to Pizzar and dragging him around to the left with a new ear pull. "Back to the Front! Come on Pizzar Supreme, back to the fight!" Receiving a small kick on the back shoulderblade, Pizzar starts moving faster, loping forward back to the entrance and from there to the Tavern to continue his struggles.

In the deafening silence they leave behind, you are able to read the following article:

"Ho! welcum tah anudder weekah shtuff shpewed frum da Menace. Howevah, dis week's been kindah quiet overall. We dun dropped inta de dungeon un meashered ahseffs aginst dem un came up a bit shy da fust time. Den ah lil newbie srike joined in.. un we still dun came up a bit shy dang it.

"In ahr struggles with de Endless Hordes, we've been stoppin dere salliez un dropping de corpses inta da bay. In one fight new arrival srike actually took out 6 of de Endless hisseff. Good ting to cuz dere's been lotsa pipples missin dere turn at da walls. Ah dun hear sum mutterins witin da guild walls dat summah dem wot aint taking dere turns at de walls.. may end up kicked ovah dem soon, so be careful all!

"Howevah, da guild duz continue tah grow.. last week Zot bullied hiz way through 6 lebels, followed by Valind wit 4 un new arrival Srike effen managed 3. Ovah all we dun growed 67 lebels which aint nuttin tah sneeze at! Lessin we fergits.. congrats Roundness on bein da ferst effah 300 lebel Scum! Go Team Round! Roll On!

"We'z finally, finally, finally hit 50% on da 95% list fer stampbooks even though sum sluggards are laggin, but mostah da pipple dat ain't in da list, don't rillah care fer it much it seems so.. pshaw.. even about dat.

"In de matter o de Hall o Fame, for de most paht, de top ranks are either Scum or Endless with a few exceptions, but those exceptions are likely to be losing ground as effahbuddy squoshes dem lahk ovah ripened grapes. Further down da ranks, Scum'r werkin dere way up slowly with 3 now in the 40s (and rising). Ovah all, top changers were Valind at 51 ranks ta hit 566, Ahkdar wit 50 ta hit 403 un Zigglylabeau wit 49 ta hit 278.

"All dis said, erm, written?.. been a fun weak though its mostlah been quiet. Some pippleseses been wunnerin how the exp is calced for fightin when we be numbah one.. wahl we be numbah one. Apparently.. it be relative.. the more awesome we be in relation tah numbah 2, de less exp we gets fer displayin ahr awesomeness.

"Ovah ahl.. less keep ahr shields, chins and click in high. Onward intah de yeah! Onward scum! Hi Ho Pizzar AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"