Scumbase

Shifting back the hatch below decks, Alyxyn's small frame emerges still dripping from the bilge. Quickly he dives behind the bar to towel off and dress in his usual garb. Throwing the bar towel back into the stacks for Duncan, Alyxyn climbs up onto the bar using hand over hand up one of the drains. Finally stumbling onto the scratched up polished wood, Alyxyn gathers himself up to his entire two foot height before slamming a fez of water down onto a small table he has hidden there. It takes a couple poundings before he can get the barscum quiet enough for his squeakiness to be heard, during which he has to pull out a replacement fez, his original having now been flattened.

Coughing loudly, he horks out a bunch of dried grass and bilge remains before speaking up clearly.

"Attention one and all, todah's bulletin iz one ahma jezt gunna bellow sinz summuhn dun made off wit mah papahs. Ya know whoz ya ahr un ya be sad little scum fer makin off wit a little gobbos hard won shtuff.

Ignoring the mass of screams of "it weren't me ya little gob!" and "ah shut da heck up" and "git back in yer hole dang yer hide", Alyxyn continues.

"Now.. ah wanna say dat's itz nahc tah be back. Lazt week was a bit of a vacashu in visitin mah old Pwnie buds but its allays best tah come home again. Wahl me un de uthah Scum were imitatin equines un avoiding getting bbq-d, we dun kicked a lot of dungeons but it brought home tah me sum of the joys of being scum. It seemed dat de onlah pipple dat wud talk .. were Scum. Scum were very good at checking in fer da dunjons un for defense 'ginst da maraudin other guilds. It showed just how important it be tah .. be friendlah un talkitive un join in. Scum is numbah one in dat!

Alyxyn dodges to the side to avoid several dirty steins heaved at his little noggin and waits for the uproar to die before continuing.

"Wahl we all wuz gone, we rathah 'spected dat we'd loze da top rankin, speshully looking at da sheer powah uf doze dat vacashuned. As we dun already seen, jezt a few dayz back un a few battles unner ahr belts un we'z alreadah second again." With each successive word, he pumps his fez into the air to punctuate his words. "Keep it up! Pour it on! Sign on! Click in!"

Drinking deeply of the water in his fez, he lets his words echo around the now quiet guild hall before speaking again.

"Yup. Click in continues to be important .. and somewhat lackin. Iz thar rillah a risson to be logged in.. un NOT click in? If so, ah'd lahk tah know it. Course ah thinks dat GBrain wud lahk ta hear it too. Iffen ya izn't on, den don't be logged on. Den othahs keepin an eye on things know dat ya aint on und kin compensate fer yer missing... hopefully."

"All dat sed, letz me leaf da editorial page un git tah all da news dats fit fer me tah bellow atcha"

"Diz week haz been kinda slow in da practicin area. It seems wahl pipples were away riding Lil Pwnies, only 68 lebels were gained by da guildies ovah all. There were a few driven pipples, lahk da little Green Menace raised five lebels. Both WordPlay n Mhorg ahr raht up dere wit 4 apiece demselves. Howevah ovah all, da 'tenshun tah lebellin seems ta be dwindlin un hafn't seen it dis bad since da weekah Oct 15 with 56 lebels. Ah knows it haddah be rathah disquietin no bein in da presence o efferone's faborite lime green loquaciousness, but dis is .. sad. *sniffs and wipes a tiny tear from his eye*

"The announcers fer da arena continue tah be hectic fer da top twennie slots but we gots lotsa Scumminess in dere. His Roundness continues ta be a bit uf a piledriver, being pulled away from numbah one, onlah tah once agin slam back. Bain, Iola, R34lg33k are up dere with Dolgan and Ninastar in da wings. Magnumpower un Woopydoo continue to chase intah da top 20. Below them, other Scum continue their movements. Gloryinchaos thumped on da liller green menace ta gain 12 ranks to 73, bakryu un Ziggylabeu raised 32 ranks un 81 ranks respectively tah land at 291 un 333.

"Finallah, uthah den ahr two terribly stamp aversion scum, de uthah scum keeps gettin bettah. Almost halfah us scum ahr now in da 95% club! 15 uthahs are in da 75% club! Keep hammerun away at da noobs and babes in da arena ta gitcher items! Goooooooo team Scum!

While he waits for the echoing cheers to die back, he sips at his fez. Clearing his throat again, he snaps a salute to the Gbrain, then makes a running dive off of the bar through the open hatch into the bilge, closing the hatch after him with a loud echoing BANG!

... week ending Nov 21, 2011