today is tuesday?!?!

i should write a new poem...

words that rhyme with "boobs"

- sbbenhcs, the "how i met your mother" herald

...


i swear, that's the most used word in barney's vocabulary... boobs. granted, it's a great word, sure to bring a smile to almost any man's (or baby's) face, but can a truly well-developed character rely on such simple humor to keep us all entertained? and if so, for how long? deep questions here...

oh well... BOOBS! (WARNING: comments may be nsfw... not really, but... =p)

traditional gnomish poetry tuesday

a poet's words are his weapons, thus he is a lord

for a few well-spoken words can turn back the horde.

words contain power, that much is true

and even their spacing has some credit due,

because... is the penis TRULY mightier than the sword?

- sbbenhcs, FREE fencing lessons for ladies

each of a gnome's senses are particularly sharp,

our vision and hearing tuned as fine as a harp.

keenness of touch and of taste serve us well,

but our achilles' heel is our sense of smell... 

you could knock us all out with one goblin fart.

- sbbenhcs, driving with a suspended poetic license

have you missed the gnome?

and his poetic ramblings?

well... i've missed you too.

- sbbenhcs, the procrastinate laureate

yep, i know... i know... i've been neglecting my poetic license. my bad. but i've got a REALLY good excuse: i've been planning (and preparing for) my own wedding. i think that give me some kind of scummy dispensation, right? i'll see if i can get back in the swing of a weekly post, now that my brain isn't quite so mushy...

just to clarify, i'm the one with the idiot grin. (it's been two weeks already, and we're still married... i think we'll make it. =p)

It's not an issue

that gnomes are short in stature...

thank you, mini skirts!

Thinking up poems

takes a lot out of a gnome.

I should just say "boobs."

- sbbenhcs, short and sweet (no wait... that's aa.)

I know, I know... three weeks off, and THIS is what I come back with? Well, it's tougher than it looks, having such a naughty mind. The limerick is getting too long (that's what she said!), I find I'm just going through the motions (also what she said!), so I'm going to have to work harder to focus my attention and refine my technique... (actually, she's quite pleased with my technique, so... BAZINGA!)

Oh, I've been a bad, bad gnome

whose mind has been left to roam.

The poetic lines in my head

help get the ladies in bed,

so I forgot to write my effing poem!

- sbbenhcs, the "sorry 'bout last week" bard

I knew an intrepid gnome named morgan,

who happened upon a buck-naked gorgon!

He avoided her eyes,

and to his surprise,

all that turned rock-hard was his organ!

- sbbenhcs, the "been caught staring" bard

There was once a lovely young lass

who had such a wonderful ass.

It wasn't round, firm and pink

(I know how you all think) ...

it was hairy and brown and ate grass.

- sbbenhcs, the "oh-so-predictable" poet

traditional gnomish poetry tuesday

Snow White has this sister; Rose Red,

who likes to get kinky in bed.

She said, "I wouldn't mind

if you went 'round behind,

and came in the back door instead."

- sbbenhcs, the "Yes, I went there" Troubadour

You may not have heard the name "Briar Rose."

She's the 'sleeping beauty' from that bit of prose.

A lovely lady, so nice to meet...

and even better beneath the sheet;

for she never liked to sleep in her clothes.

- sbbenhcs, the somnambulant songster

Cinderella once cleaned for all her days,

so nice, neat and trim is how it now stays.

I'm fairly sure that she's repressed

Because once I got her undressed,

she was anal in some very different ways.

- sbbenhcs, the "I can not lie" Laureate

poetry was missed

as yesterday was tuesday

please come back next week.

The world waits for no man (or gnome, though we're working on that), and not even Ghetto's disappointed "tsk tsk tsk"ing can divert my attentions from the mountainous tasks at hand. (and I never said ALWAYS on deadline, just USUALLY. =p) Believe me, it's been hard enough getting through my thirst for the past 10 days. Things should be back to more "normal" next week, so I'll soon enough be back to playing piano in the guild hall.

Cheers!

What's the big deal with people posting their columns when they're supposed to?  So you met your deadline... yippee skippy freakin' diddly doo for you.

I guess you got tired of the gnome showing you up every week, eh? Amateurs...


anyway, a continuation on the current theme:

Rapunzel's a girl I'll always adore

(she's hot and she's lonely; who could want more?)

I didn't show up with escape plans to hatch

only to see if the drapes and carpet match ...

and to my delight, I found hardwood floor.

- sbbenhcs, the "risky business" bard

You all remember the lass goldilocks?

She's gone from bears to gnomes, the sly little fox.

You see, she met one last night

for some fun that's "just right,"

and it wasn't his porridge that knocked off her socks!

- sbbenchs, "now that's finger lickin' good!"

There are seven dwarves in the story "Snow White,"

because she slept with a different one every night.

Yet, none of the seven

could put her in heaven...

because she needed a gnome to hit it just right.

- sbbenhcs, just singin' "hi, ho!"

Goldilocks has lots of guys,

and Pinnochio's one, be advised.

She sits on the puppet,

and sticks his nose up it,

then makes the poor boy tell lies!

- sbbenhcs, the "watch out for splinters" bard

traditional gnomish poetry tuesday

our valentine's day behavior has to be our best,

for today we look for lovin', above all of the rest.

so if you hope to have a chance

at getting in your sweetheart's pants...

"touching a woman's heart" does NOT mean "grab her chest."

 

 

- sbbenhcs, the "wookin' po nub" poet

...

happy vd, scum! (and that's why we don't abbreviate valentine's day...)

*cough* *sniffle* *cough*

What's a gnome to do when he's feeling sick?

is there an arcane remedy or a simple trick?

each race has a cure for being ill,

for dwarves it's a salve, and humans, a pill.

or there's the elves who just suck on a... cough drop.

- sbbenhcs, the ill laureate

..

i don't know whether it was Ciciz's drink or Aaylia's "tender care" (or being taped up with Aly, for that matter), but wednesday is just as good as tuesday when i comes to posting. i'll post a more vivid telling of my first week as my alter ego "Ustarach" soon. cheers, scum!

To all other gents, we beg your pardon,

but resolve is not all that must harden.

For, that lass in your life

that you may soon take to wife

has had a gnome in her secret garden!

- sbbenhcs, the green *cough* thumb *cough* troubadour