Week ending Nov 27, 2011

Ghettoforce comes into the main area of the hall dragging a section of what looks to be the Sunday paper's cartoon section and muttering about 'damnedable cursed mangy vomit colored plague.'  Tacking the paper up on the wall of the hall, he turns away disgustedly to return to his thoroughly ducttape wrapped throne to take a seat, slumping hard as if to recover from an exhausting task.

Gathering closely to see what has occurred to Ghettoforce, you notice that the paper is covered in the usually expected scrawling handwriting.  This week, however, it looks like the ink of choice may have been.. some brown gravy interspersed with a deep reddish jelly that has been let sit on the paper long enough to last.  It is obvious that no quill was used for the writing and you suspect, knowing the Green Menace's preferences, he likely scribbled using a thigh bone.. but the question at hand would be 'of what species?'  That question only lingers for a moment on your mind however, as you eagerly begin to work to decipher the news of the week.

In gelatinous scrawls you make out the following:

"Dis week was mauled bah dat human holidah in da YouKnighted States called Thankyougiving.  Wahl ah personallah don't unnerstand it verrah well, how kin a gobbo turn awah frum a celebrashun of grand consumption lahk dat?  Gobbo legends abound about tribes in da Great Gobi Forest dat usedta mimic dere minor fez-ivals.  Fer sum risson dere partyin stopped a few years ago tho much to da remorse o da Gobbo Nation.

"Da rankins uf da guilds iz a close contest at dis point.  We quicklah rose back tah da top lahk da creamy scums we be, howevah, "da pot dun be churnin" as mah mamma wud say before whoppin da ork on da head tah git him back in da pot.  So keeps yer click-in up un pay 'tention dat we keep da feast in da fryin pan, not in da fahr.  Az ah writes diz, we'z numbah 2.. which kin be a bit smellah.  We may be scum but we'z all knows we kin rahz tah da top lahk a good floater.  T Day fez-tival apparentlah kept manah guildees frum defendin ahr hall un frum ahr attacks. Wit da fez-ival ovah un da food comas waning, lez 'git r done' un End dem.

"In uthah news, da guild grew a total of 72 lebels dis week.  Average level is 225, aaaaaaaalmost 226. average gain of 1.44 levels.  CrusaderBin spent a lot of time on the road, hitting it for four lebels. Following in his footsteps, but not eating his dust, were Rido, Ciciz and her Royal Zness all at three lebels.  Completely lost in the wilderness were FlyingJoe, jmardo, masterdodo, Scrubby and gloryinchaos (who apparently was lost in the arena beating on a certain little green menace).  Happily, search parties were successful to return all of the wayward into Duncan's 'tender mercies'.

"In da arena, da top ranks be hotlah contested between da Endless bigwigs un ahr own devoted battlers.  Looking at the rankings un den looking agin will frequentlah show changes which is great tah see.  Get out un cheer fer ahr own pipples dat ahr kickin Ends und takin names!  In da ranks uf da rest ah us, Gruel managed to beat'r way up 55 ranks un Duncan managed tah drug his opponents successfully enuf ta gain 50 ranks, howevah, ah think the winner goez tah Zboss who managed to improve her ranking by 30 ranks to 53!  Getting that many ranks when that high up is sointinlah a testahmint tah wah she'z oneah da bosses.  Heck she passed bah GBrain as if he was standing still.. un he had managed 3 ranks to 56, un he'z 13 lebels bigger dan her.  She'z a wearing Endkickin boots ahlraht.

"Magnumpower un Ozwalt un Zimmi haf been workin dere stampbooks dis week.  Mags got almost 6 percent of his book in whahl Ozwalt turned in almost 2 percent.  Zboss did over 1 percent uf hers az whahl.

"Un now.. ah gots tah git back tah mah uthah werk, helpin da ignant lern wots dey needs."