Scumbase

What's this? Soundcheck? What the hell is this, I've never heard of it... Is it new? Who writes this? Kami? Eww....

That's what people would like to say, but sadly everyone remembers Soundcheck, the bestest column in the world! That's right, I'm back (at least this week) to bring you the highest quality of pure randomness ever!

To sum things up for people abusing some substances who might not remember what this column is about, it's about me finding out what was the #1 song on the American radio at key points in your life (namely your conception, your 14th and your 21st birthday), and basically summarize your personality from them, because we all know that we can guess who you were by what you most probably weren't listening to on those three dates.

I see you all remember now. Awesome! Let's get started then!

This week, we're having a queen on stage! No less, I promise. She loves to make sure you don't move too much so that we can point and laugh at you in your despair. She is one of the best friends of our lily pad dominatrix, so that should tell you lots. She loves to go around duct-taping people in very embarrassing position, especially Nargoth (hey, didn't bash on him for way too long). Who is it? That's right people, our own Duct-Tape Queen, Revliss!

It is your turn, Revliss,

Don't worry little miss,

Sure you can hiss,

And you can diss,

But you'll still get my kiss.

Ouuuhh, Kami likes Revliss, Kami likes Revliss, yea yea, find other words ending with -iss for fun...

And so our story begins some time ago, when two people in love were whispering love words to each other in bed. The radio was on to give them something to fall back on in case words deserted them. Weird little songs they had in those years, but hey, who are you to judge. I'm Kami, I can judge. They were weird. But so far, oh so bulls-eye. And this one is no exception. The lovebirds had each other, and the radio was their witness:

I watched different versions of that video, and every time, they do that strange move of looking at each other when they say "I get you babe", then look no where, then to each other, then no where... I'm not sure I get it. Plus, I'm sorry for saying so, but I heard this song maybe once or twice before on vinyl discs, and I seriously thought there was one singer... They got the same voice! No? Weeeeird....

Anyway, our little Revvy got older and was soon in her teen years. Fourteen to be exact. She wasn't lonely per say, but she was in her teens, looking for attention. So to get it, she was giving her number to everyone, asking them to call her:

First of all, let me tell you that the first girl that writes her phone number on my forehead is looking for trouble. Seriously. Second, hey, way to go in reusing the same images over and over again, movie-maker! No one noticed! It's nice to see that Rev's addiction to duct-tape probably came from that pink duct-tape couch or that blue duct-tape suit. They sure had no problems matching colors in those years.

She soon got to 21 years old. She received many phone calls by then. She soon realized though, that the one she was most happy with was herself, that there was no one she really couldn't live without, nor with:

I don't know what to say about this song... First of all, the dude making the video clip just doesn't know how many frames there are in one second... The eye sees 72, TV shows you 48, stop motion usually uses 24. This thing must be in like what, 10 frames per second? It gives headaches. And watch out for the guitar swinging around 4m20, don't get hit!

So what have we got here? Poor Revliss was looking for attention, but then turned it away. She did find her long-term love though... in duct-tape! You better watch out for yourselves if you don't want to get stuck to a ceiling somewhere in AA's dungeon! (Me included!)

That's it for this week, folks, I hope you enjoyed.

Stay tuned, as next week (-ish) we'll receive in our studio none else than our beloved Zimmi! We're on a girl streak it seems. Nothing wrong with that, I just need to keep what I say in check (not because they are easier to hurt, but because they're scarier to deal with...)

Cheers!